Be Still

Psalms 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God..."

Today I got some gentle advice. I do say it was timely and right on, and I see the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit all over it. I've been a little rattled this week. A little off my game. A little stressed. Filled with worry about the future and things I can't begin to control. I was beginning to let myself be overwhelmed with it all. Blue feelings beginning to creep in and steal moments from my days.

On a whim I had lunch with my sister. As I sat down at the table, breathless with hurry, I unloaded my day on her and my stresses. I talked a mile a minute. She looked at me and smiled and said write this verse down and look it up later. I wrote myself a post-it on my phone, sighed and enjoyed my lunch with her. An hour to let go and be. Just be.

Back at work, I went to BibleGateway and checked it out. You know a small bible in my purse sure would be a handy idea. As the verse popped up on the screen, I laughed. A laugh fully aimed at myself. Yes, I could use some "be still" in my life. I'm so worried about moments yet to come, I'm missing the beautiful moments in front of me. Yes, be still.

My life is so full of His blessings. So full. So much to be thankful for. I'm right where I'm meant to be. His plan is so much more than my plan could ever be. He knows the desires of my heart better than I know them myself.

And as if He thought I might need a bit more, the verse of the day on BibleGateway was...

Ecclesiastes 11:5 - "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."

Little Things Like Cheese Sandwiches

I'm finally back to reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I started it back in January when the air was crisp and a whole new year was ahead, and then life got the better of me. And that said life has been draining me a bit of recent. I'm stressed often, and I know it shouldn't be that way. I'm so glad I picked up this wonderful little book again. So many beautiful things to ponder...

"And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me." - One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp

There is something so pure and pleasing to the soul to give thanks - even for the little things in life. It centers you. It allows grace to flow and joy to abound.

1. The twinkle of a little man's eyes as he smiles at me
2. Moonlight through lace curtains
3. Baby girl twirling in her dress
4. Living room blanket tents
5. Cardinals fluttering on my back porch
6. Half eaten cheese sandwiches made by little hands

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "In Everything give thanks..."

By the way, Ms. Voskamp's website, A Holy Experience, has a daily blog. Awesome food for thought. I love her simple beautiful posts. And I love that she often calls herself The Farmer's Wife.

Taking a Step Back

I bought these for myself today. I don't usually buy stuff like this, but today I felt the need. They are my favorite - I love them in orange, yellow and hot pink. I adore their simplicity. And yes, they did the trick - they perked me right up. I've had a lot on my mind of late that has been weighing on me heavily.

I feel like my husband and I were on a certain path for our family and were making great progress on our plans and goals. However, I think the saying goes - "even the best laid plans...often go awry." I think I'm struggling because my pride is getting in the way.

Deep down I know that this possible step back is where God is calling us, but I'm not happy about it. I'm fighting it and I know I shouldn't. I know in the end it's the right decision and what's best, but deep down my pride keeps poking its ugly head up and waving frantically. I'm getting in the way of His plan and I know it. That's the worst part.

A little over two years ago we moved to a small rural community. I've written about it in previous blogs. I love it.  Especially our house. I knew I'd eventually have to give it up when we were finally ready to buy. That was all part of the plan. Down size a bit two years ago, pay off debt and work towards a home of our own. Well, we've come to a little bump in the road, possibly more so a fork in the road if I was being more positive.

Little man has some special needs and the small financially strapped school system we're in isn't the best for what he needs. As he has gone through this Kindergarten year the issues have slowly presented themselves. It's been a rough year, but yet a beautiful year of firsts. First day, first bus ride, first school lunch, first recess, first school program, first parent/teacher meeting and the list goes on. I've so enjoyed watching him grow and learn, but I know 100% that if we switch school systems he'll be far better off and get the help that will allow him to reach even higher.

We've talked to teachers, counselors, OTs, our doctor...we've researched. The clear answer is in front of us, but yet I am fighting. I'm doubting. I'm second guessing. And still through all that, Jesus meets me where I am. He gently shows me the way and tells me I can do it, and it will be okay. Let go and trust. As I struggle with all of this, He sends me gentle reminders and some times big bold ones that I can't ignore no matter how hard I try.

As I drove home from the store tonight, listening to KLOVE with my hot pink Gerber Daises in the seat next to me, I realized it's just a step back, no big deal. A few years ago I took the biggest personal step back I could have ever imagined, and it changed my life in amazing ways. I'm more so on the path that God intended for me as a woman/wife/mother than I ever have been. One day I'll find the words to write about that, for it's stories woven within stories and His fingerprints are sprinkled all throughout, but I still can't quite get the words out on that one.

I'm pretty sure our life is changing a bit come Fall, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve my little yellow house with the wrap-around porch. But one step back is going to equal a whole lot of little steps forward for little man, and that alone is enough for me. It's just a house and after all, it's not really mine at all.

Tea Time

 

My sisters are coming for tea next week. I'm thrilled! I adore simple things and having tea on my porch fits right in with that. Keeping my fingers crossed for warm and sunny, unlike today's chilly and rainy. For months I've been on the search for unique tea cups. I've looked at Goodwill, antique villages/malls and small gift shops. I got lucky and found all I needed at a new small vendor consignment shop in my town. A hole in the wall kind of place that you can lose yourself in all day as you take in all the old items around you full of a past of their own. Each booth within the store was different from the next. Some with themes and some with a random collection of items for sale. I loved it and was so glad I had chosen to stop in by myself that day. Savoring it all on my own. I slowly moved along the narrow path in the store and took it all in. I knew I was on the lookout for the tea cups, but there were so many other wonderful things that kept grabbing my attention. I think the things I like the most are the old pitchers and basins, along with old jewelry.

My mother used to have a large white pitcher and basin in her room. I was very taken with it as a child. Why she never used it puzzled me, how it was always just displayed. The funny on that one is now I have a large white pfaltzgraff great bowl that just sits a top my kitchen cabinets on display. Giggle on me on that one. I adore it but I use it maybe twice a year for homemade German potato salad and Asian slaw. I guess at aleast I use it. Now as for the jewelry, I love to think of the woman that wore it before and the things she did and what it had meant to her in her life. I have an old necklace of my Grandmother's. It's a long gold link chain with amethyst like stones. It means a lot to me and I wear it proudly. I love to think of my Grandmother wearing it and going about her day. I love that it ties me to her.

I guess I'm just a girl who loves things that come with a story! I like simple things. An old farm kitchen table (can't wait to find one of those one day and make it mine), flowers in an old pitcher, whimsical flower pots on a porch, simple pretty jewelry with a story and tea cups with a past. I wonder who the ladies were that sipped from these cups before my sisters and I? Did they dress-up and wear their best hats while enjoying tea in the garden? Did they giggle over stories on the porch? Did sip alone, cozy as the morning greeted them? Or possibly over a good book by the fireplace? The wonder is endless. I ponder if someday someone else will come across these same tea cups and wonder about their journey. How delightful that now my sisters and I will be added to their story. They will have been witness to our moment in time with one another. Our chatter, giggles and hugs; and our treasured moments become intertwined with the others.

I'd take something old over brand new any day, well unless it was a sweet new baby...

Here's to a simple tea and sisters! Two delightful things indeed.

Top 10 Mommy Commandments

I'm in a bit of a mood this month. Work is stressful. Extended family is a little stressful. My kitchen still has Christmas stuff up. Kids are giving me a run for my money daily. What's a girl to do?

I'm trying my best to take it one day at a time. One moment at a time even. Slowing down and asking myself at the end of the day what really matters. I keep pondering the words of a speaker that I was blessed to get to hear last week at my M.O.M.S group. She was a regular mom just like me. A confessed imperfect mom. I loved a lot of what she had to say. One of my favorites was that our life experiences shape our ministry. How very true. However, I'm still wrapping my mind around the idea that my mothering of my children and my role as wife to my husband is a ministry in itself.

The other thing she mentioned was that she kept a framed "Top 10 Mom Commandments" for herself in her home and had given her children copies. Ten things she kept herself accountable for in her ministry of motherhood. Each was shaped by her life experiences and very close to her heart. Also, they were all things she felt she needed to often remind herself of and each were tied to scripture. Her first one was "always be a lady of courage." Her sister had died young of cancer, but she had done it with such great courage. It was something that left a lasting impression on her and shaped her life, her soul and her very motherhood. The remaining nine, were about listening, believing, praying, celebrating and so on. Each with a verse that accompanied. I wish I'd had paper with me to write it all down, but just maybe that wasn't the point. Truly a list of my own wouldn't look exactly like her list. It would be all me with some grace sprinkled in from above.

What an inspiring idea indeed! Each of us have experiences that have shaped us to our very core. Experiences that really define much of who we are and what we stand for in our lives. Experience that shape our motherhood. I'm not quite sure I'd call mine Top 10 Mommy Commandments, but possibly a Top 10 Mommy Play List? I do love music and often find inspiration in song lyrics, and I do happen to be a wife of a coach too. Hmmm...

The wheels are turning. I see a list of my own taking form and coming soon. Stay tuned.

Turning Inward For Lent

I've been giving much thought to the approaching season of Lent. Careful thought. I want to take advantage of every moment of Lent this year to turn inward and take a look at myself and my own walk with the Lord. Lately my job has been getting the best of me and been somewhat overtaking. There's a lot of turmoil and that's a hard environment to be in daily. I've not been enjoying the journey and I feeling as if it changing me in ways I'm not okay with - taking from me the things I have always liked about myself. My easy smile and joyful nature. I find I'm a bit cynical, unfriendly and stressed of late.

However, each morning a "Minute Meditation" pops in my inbox from AmericanCatholic.org - I love starting the day with these. Often I feel like God speaks to me through the quotes of the day. This past week was no exception. The meditations through the week were clips from a book called Rediscover Lent by Matthew Kelly. I found myself thinking that was exactly what I needed to do - rediscover the beauty of Lent and grow closer to my Savior. Quiet myself and listen to His call in my life. Discern the direction He has planned for me and my family. Turn inward and rediscover the woman God calls me to be.

I know it might sound funny but whenever I need to pump myself up and lift myself to continue about my daily tasks and all that God has entrusted to me, I love to play Whitney Houston's I'm Every Woman. When I was little my older sister and I used to dance all over the house with our hair brush microphones to Whitney. Those memories are close to my heart and I've always loved her voice. But that one song, just speaks to me in ways I can't quite put into words. To me that song is my personal reminder of the woman described in Proverbs 31. The woman I haven't quite being feeling like of late and need to work my way back to. And with all of that said, I can hardly believe Whitney left his world just this past week too. Very sad indeed. But what beautiful inspiring gifts she left us all in her music. And through another song's words that I adore just as much, "And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye, then go in peace and laugh on Glory's side and fly to Jesus..." I believe it's called both Untitled Hymn and Come to Jesus. It's one of my very favorites, but more on that another day.

Little Man Quotes of the Day

I often have others tell me I really should journal the things Little Man says to me each day. A keepsake to show him some day when he is grown. His insights range from hilarious to very wise at times, and for a six-year-old very deep. I often find simple moments of grace in the things he says. His words laced with the beauty of a child's view of the world, and often there are undertones and whispers of the Holy Spirit, nudging me in my own life through his gentle comments.

I happen to have the blessing of getting to drive him to afternoon Kindergarten most days. As a working mom, I really savor this. I know most women in my situation, don't have that perk. I love how he runs down the path of his morning sitter's house and jumps in the car each day. His eyes twinkle, and he is always delighted to see me. He chatters about his morning activities and the things still to look forward to in the day. I carefully take in each word. As we drive, he comments on the things we pass along our route, like favorite landmarks and houses we like. He often asks questions too about things on his mind that he wants to understand better. I absolutely adore our conversations each day and our time together, just he and I. It is all so special to me, something to savor and tuck away deep in my heart forever.

Here's just one of our little conversations. It actually happened just this week. I took out the actual names. I never like to use their full names in the blog for privacy reasons.

Little Man: "Mommy, did you know my real name is ____ ____ ____ ____, and my LUCKY name is ____?" (Yes, the poor boy has two middle names. We couldn't part with either, so just gave him both. And his lucky name, as he describes it, is his nickname, what we have called him since birth.)

Me: "Yes, I did know that was your real name. But how did you get that lucky name?"

Little Man: "Mommy, you're silly! You gave it to me."


I love how his little mind see the world. How very interesting to think of one's nickname as their lucky name in life, and that I was the one to help him get that lucky name! Very endearing indeed. My cup runneth over. My cup runneth over.

As he jumped out of the car that day, grinned at me, shouted I love you Mom and ran to get into line with his friends, I pondered his words. What really is in a nickname and why do we feel like we need to dish them out? Am I as attached as he to my nicknames? Have they been lucky in my life?

nick·name/ˈnikˌnām -
A familiar or descriptive name added to or replacing the actual name of a person, place or thing.

Recalling my own nicknames bestowed lovingly over the years - ones given by my parents, my siblings, my college friends, my husband and even my children, I do have to say out of all of them my favorite is by far Mommy.