Thursday, April 26, 2012

Taking a Step Back

I bought these for myself today. I don't usually buy stuff like this, but today I felt the need. They are my favorite - I love them in orange, yellow and hot pink. I adore their simplicity. And yes, they did the trick - they perked me right up. I've had a lot on my mind of late that has been weighing on me heavily.

I feel like my husband and I were on a certain path for our family and were making great progress on our plans and goals. However, I think the saying goes - "even the best laid plans...often go awry." I think I'm struggling because my pride is getting in the way.

Deep down I know that this possible step back is where God is calling us, but I'm not happy about it. I'm fighting it and I know I shouldn't. I know in the end it's the right decision and what's best, but deep down my pride keeps poking its ugly head up and waving frantically. I'm getting in the way of His plan and I know it. That's the worst part.

A little over two years ago we moved to a small rural community. I've written about it in previous blogs. I love it.  Especially our house. I knew I'd eventually have to give it up when we were finally ready to buy. That was all part of the plan. Down size a bit two years ago, pay off debt and work towards a home of our own. Well, we've come to a little bump in the road, possibly more so a fork in the road if I was being more positive.

Little man has some special needs and the small financially strapped school system we're in isn't the best for what he needs. As he has gone through this Kindergarten year the issues have slowly presented themselves. It's been a rough year, but yet a beautiful year of firsts. First day, first bus ride, first school lunch, first recess, first school program, first parent/teacher meeting and the list goes on. I've so enjoyed watching him grow and learn, but I know 100% that if we switch school systems he'll be far better off and get the help that will allow him to reach even higher.

We've talked to teachers, counselors, OTs, our doctor...we've researched. The clear answer is in front of us, but yet I am fighting. I'm doubting. I'm second guessing. And still through all that, Jesus meets me where I am. He gently shows me the way and tells me I can do it, and it will be okay. Let go and trust. As I struggle with all of this, He sends me gentle reminders and some times big bold ones that I can't ignore no matter how hard I try.

As I drove home from the store tonight, listening to KLOVE with my hot pink Gerber Daises in the seat next to me, I realized it's just a step back, no big deal. A few years ago I took the biggest personal step back I could have ever imagined, and it changed my life in amazing ways. I'm more so on the path that God intended for me as a woman/wife/mother than I ever have been. One day I'll find the words to write about that, for it's stories woven within stories and His fingerprints are sprinkled all throughout, but I still can't quite get the words out on that one.

I'm pretty sure our life is changing a bit come Fall, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve my little yellow house with the wrap-around porch. But one step back is going to equal a whole lot of little steps forward for little man, and that alone is enough for me. It's just a house and after all, it's not really mine at all.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Tea Time

My sisters are coming for tea next week. I'm thrilled! I adore simple things and having tea on my porch fits right in with that. Keeping my fingers crossed for warm and sunny, unlike today's chilly and rainy. For months I've been on the search for unique tea cups. I've looked at Goodwill, antique villages/malls and small gift shops. I got lucky and found all I needed at a new small vendor consignment shop in my town. A hole in the wall kind of place that you can lose yourself in all day as you take in all the old items around you full of a past of their own. Each booth within the store was different from the next. Some with themes and some with a random collection of items for sale. I loved it and was so glad I had chosen to stop in by myself that day. Savoring it all on my own. I slowly moved along the narrow path in the store and took it all in. I knew I was on the lookout for the tea cups, but there were so many other wonderful things that kept grabbing my attention. I think the things I like the most are the old pitchers and basins, along with old jewelry.

My mother used to have a large white pitcher and basin in her room. I was very taken with it as a child. Why she never used it puzzled me, how it was always just displayed. The funny on that one is now I have a large white pfaltzgraff great bowl that just sits a top my kitchen cabinets on display. Giggle on me on that one. I adore it but I use it maybe twice a year for homemade German potato salad and Asian slaw. I guess at aleast I use it. Now as for the jewelry, I love to think of the woman that wore it before and the things she did and what it had meant to her in her life. I have an old necklace of my Grandmother's. It's a long gold link chain with amethyst like stones. It means a lot to me and I wear it proudly. I love to think of my Grandmother wearing it and going about her day. I love that it ties me to her.

I guess I'm just a girl who loves things that come with a story! I like simple things. An old farm kitchen table (can't wait to find one of those one day and make it mine), flowers in an old pitcher, whimsical flower pots on a porch, simple pretty jewelry with a story and tea cups with a past. I wonder who the ladies were that sipped from these cups before my sisters and I? Did they dress-up and wear their best hats while enjoying tea in the garden? Did they giggle over stories on the porch? Did sip alone, cozy as the morning greeted them? Or possibly over a good book by the fireplace? The wonder is endless. I ponder if someday someone else will come across these same tea cups and wonder about their journey. How delightful that now my sisters and I will be added to their story. They will have been witness to our moment in time with one another. Our chatter, giggles and hugs; and our treasured moments become intertwined with the others.

I'd take something old over brand new any day, well unless it was a sweet new baby...

Here's to a simple tea and sisters! Two delightful things indeed.